Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

Posted November 4, 2006 by iplaybass
Categories: Rape Sexual Violence

I’m back. Don’t get all fussy with me about the hiatus that I decided to take. In all reality, the guy who reviewed my blog has caused me many a restless night. So, after tossing and turning, and trying to decide whether or not to make a triumphant return to the world of blogging – here I am.

You can complain all you want. There’s plenty of porn and sex discussion to come.

Since previous posts I’ve had the opportunity to speak with a few people about their own sexual growth – mostly the early formation of sexual thought during childhood, and the situations that caused their current outlook on sexuality. There’s one story in particular that has been burned in my mind. You’ll see why.

Jess grew up in a home with an abusive father, and a mother that had more concern with her own internal problems than her three little girls. Because of this, Jess had to mature at a young age and was forced to fend for herself in many situations around the house. During grade school, her mother left her father due to many unhealthy situations in the marriage (abuse, infidelity, etc.). After the divorce, Jess’ mother moved around from house to apartment, to house, to apartment, to friend’s couches, to house, to apartment, to car, to house, to apartment, to boyfriend’s house, to girlfriend’s apartment, to new boyfriend’s house, to current husband’s house, to boyfriend’s house, to boyfriend’s apartment, to girlfriend’s house, to boyfriend’s house…annoyed yet? So was Jess.

Around 13 years old, Jess and her sisters were living in a house with their mother and her mother’s current boyfriend. Jess didn’t have many friends because of the constant moving, and she confided in her mother’s boyfriend who spent a lot of time with the girls. A friendship developed, but naïve Jess didn’t realize what was happening. One night, as everyone in the house was sleeping, Jess was startled out of her sleep by her mother’s boyfriend climbing on top of her and whispering, “Don’t you say a fucking word. If you scream, or tell anyone, I will kill your mom and your sisters.” As the 40 year old man took off Jess’ pants she was in sheer terror. She could only cry and slip into panic as her mother’s boyfriend both vaginally and anally raped her.

It happened this way for two weeks straight.

What was left of Jess’ childhood was ripped away from her. She felt if she told her mother or anyone at the time the man would kill her family. So she held it in. The abuse, the hurt, the questions, the emotional distraught that comes along with being raped – she held it all in.

I want this story to soak in, so I’m not going to comment until my next post. Do Jess a favor and read her story again. Try to feel what she felt.

Did someone just say SEX in church?

Posted April 30, 2006 by iplaybass
Categories: Uncategorized

Why do so many males within the church struggle with pornography addiction? Last week I wrote a post about a TV evangelist who was pretty much condemning everything that had sex to hell. I wonder what this man would do if he knew there were porn addicts sitting in the pew in front of him, or the fact that he probably had shared the same drinking fountain as a porn addict before – he’d probably die.

So continuing from last week…

A major reason for the struggle with sexual desires within the church setting is because talking, thinking, looking, or doing anything regarding sex is taboo. Men and women who are married are even “hush, hush” about their sex lives within the church. I know from personal experience, having grown up in a church setting, that when the word sex was mentioned it was as if you had actually dropped your pants in the middle of the service.

There needs to be more open communication about sexual relationships and healthy sexual appetites within the church community. I’m not saying that the church should open their doors to pornography and accept it as a tool to help stimulate sexual desires. What I am saying is that there is a balance between the out-of-control sexual relationships that porn depicts and the modest “goody-two-shoes” attitude of the church.  

Where’s the balance?

Frank’s Red Hot is amazing.

Posted April 24, 2006 by iplaybass
Categories: Uncategorized

I’m a nerd. I skipped church this last week (if I were Catholic I think that would be another few years in purgatory) and decided to sleep in – and I didn’t feel bad about it. Jesus loves me this I know…

So I was flipping through the channels later that day and ran into a very obnoxious, very over-the-top preacher who was spouting off on the topic of sexual purity. I stopped. The man was talking (or should I say shouting) about a lot of things I agree with: abstinence, the sacredness of marriage, and a lot of other topics dealing with sexual purity. The sermon got me thinking about lot more than just things I believe in, what is all of this talk doing to Christian marriages?

For one thing, sex isn’t talked about in Churches unless the message is “don’t do it or you’ll probably end up pregnant or with AIDS.” That was a little extreme, but in all seriousness it’s almost that bad. Children who grow up in the church are sheltered; those who stick close to the faith are sometimes scared into thinking that sex is sinful and dirty, and those thoughts continue on into marriage.

I’m wondering if a lot of Christian husbands and wives have boring sex lives? I know that I don’t want my marriage to be boring because of what preachers have scared into people.

Crap…our van broke down. More to come later.

“Yes…question in the back?”

Posted April 23, 2006 by iplaybass
Categories: Uncategorized

I know that there are churches and religious groups that stand against both pornography and homosexuality. You’re going against both of the morals that the church has set in place.
What would you say to these organizations if they confronted you? What is your own view of these religious groups?

It is common knowledge that the porn industry has become a very female dominated industry. Is the gay-porn niche different from other aspects of the industry or is there little variation in terms of marketing?

Go. Go. Go. Porno.

Posted April 16, 2006 by iplaybass
Categories: Uncategorized

It’s true that there is a type of person who has a tendency to fall into addiction than others. It’s pre-wired. People get addicted to anything and everything, and those who are programmed to become easily hooked on things fall hard – sometimes after the first exposure. My motivation for this post was after reading this blog regarding types of people who may be more susceptible to pornography addiction.

I agree with the poster on the fact that society today is “obsessed with gratification.” From fast food restaurants to casinos, as the blogger said “…we eat too much, drink too much, watch too much TV…the list goes on.” Everyone has their own addictions.

The point at which I disagree with the blog was when he claimed that pornography had great physical reward? Pornography has no reward; it acts as a stimulus to sexual appetite, but alone provides no gratification – at all. Many people place pornography and masturbation into the same category, where one is mentioned the other is assumed to be there. What makes pornography such an addiction for some people? It might be the sexual stimulation that it brings, or the ease of loneliness when seeing sexual acts performed.

So who exactly falls into pornography addiction?

I would say that anyone could at a time of loneliness, or need of sexual interaction. The people who have things “put together,” have strong mental stability, and are well rounded can fall into addiction just as easily as people who have none of these things.

What do you think?

Hey kid…is that porn in your jeans?

Posted April 16, 2006 by iplaybass
Categories: Uncategorized

Do parents with a pornography addiction end up raising children with a mis-understanding of a healthy marriage and sex life? Yes.

12-year-old Johnny was the son of a secretary and porn addict. His mom, who frequently pulled long hours at work, was rarely home before it was almost bedtime for Johnny. Johnny's father was a work-from-home consultant and was home during most times in the day, though Johnny never saw him. Johnny's father spent many hours in his den office with the lights off, watching pornography, and rarely speaking to his son during the day. The 12 year old knew what his father was up to. As most curious boys do, Johnny had snooped through his father's office computer one day and found an assortment of various downloaded pornography movies. Johnny noticed his father rarely interacting with his mother and wondered why his dad no longer acted towards his mother the way that he had remembered when he was younger.

This story of Johnny could be told by many 12 year old boys across the country who have fathers that are pornography addicts. During a critical time in a boy's life, the start of development into manhood, they start to build the basis for their sexual lives. Youngsters develop many habits from their parents, and having a parent addicted to pornography and seeing porn in the possession of their parents isn't the best way to be shaping a child's mind. Also, addiction to pornography destroys marriages. A child could have a very wrong view of the way a healthy marriage works if they grow up around a porn addict.

Parents – get your addictions under control. Your children look up to you for guidance and a pornography crazed father isn't going to help them much. If you're addicted to pornography, get help. You don't need to live your pleasures out at your child's expense.

This post is serious. Seriously.

Posted April 9, 2006 by iplaybass
Categories: Uncategorized

I’m sick of a few things in life: pink popped-collar shirts on grease balls with spiky over-gelled hair, feeling like I’m broke every time I go to pump gas, and rape. I’m not trying to make light of rape, I’m just saying that I have a personal vendetta out against all of these things. The first two are a little over-the-top, but rape has managed to go down as the #1 thing I would love to see disappear from this world.

I know this is an older topic, but something happened this week and I have to vent. Before this week I could have made a list of10 of my female friends that had been raped or sexually assaulted – now its 11.

It isn’t right that so many young women are having their lives messed up by sexual attacks.

The whole problem isn’t just with the act of rape but with the events and thought patters before and after the action takes place. There are so many misconceived notions that leave the woman feeling even more abused and the men feeling as if it were almost acceptable to do:

“She was asking for it.”
“She must have done something to egg him on.”
“She shouldn’t have been wearing that.”
“She shouldn’t have been there.”

What about him?

Something has taught him that it is alright to force himself on a women. Something has taught him that “no” really means: “I want your scummy, disgusting, vile prick in me against my will.” Yeah, it’s that nasty.

After this week I feel like it’s not only a messed up mind that accounts for this twisted act. That can’t be it. I’m convinced that the young man that took advantage of one of my friends was a porn addict. I knew him. I knew he had a huge pornography collection. I would dare to bet my life savings that a good percentage of the pornography he watched had depictions of rape and other violent sexual acts in them. He watched and learned, and thought it was fine to do.

His sick mind and pornography addiction changed my friend’s life forever. She was a very innocent girl too. I hope he gets serious jail time and some shocking experiences in the slammer.

There’s my heart poured out again. Anger is a good tool for writing.

Does anyone have any similar experiences with friends being raped? How did you deal with it?